If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
