That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
