so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
