you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Even my vagina gasped.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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