I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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