Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
