did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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