i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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