Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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