I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
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