cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
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