They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
