I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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