so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
