i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
