A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
