when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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