I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
