I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
