iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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