Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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