Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I'm bleeding and have questions
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Randomize
