obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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