The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
