okay pat passed out under dana's car
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
