dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Randomize
