Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
