just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I am available for nakedness
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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