Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
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when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
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It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
