Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
