He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
