Michael Bay diarrhea
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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