just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
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is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
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Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
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