I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
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Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...