My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power