Texts From Last Night

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  (775): View more from Nevada

  My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.

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  (775): My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication. http://tfl.nu/hfzx
  Replies (38) Good night (767) Bad night (2509)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight

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  (214): call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight http://tfl.nu/wfsk
  Replies (75) Good night (7410) Bad night (845)
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.

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  (908): so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie. http://tfl.nu/eug9
  Replies (20) Good night (5744) Bad night (1760)
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  (386): View more from Florida

  Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.

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  (386): Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation. http://tfl.nu/xc4n
  Replies (27) Good night (5388) Bad night (1847)
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  (708): View more from Illinois

  He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain

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  (708): He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain http://tfl.nu/7dwy
  Replies (4) Good night (3206) Bad night (957)
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  (207): View more from Maine

  I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling

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  (207): I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling http://tfl.nu/w1qs
  Replies (15) Good night (3179) Bad night (728)
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  (320): View more from Minnesota

  What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.

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  (320): What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off. http://tfl.nu/fj7u
  Replies (12) Good night (2739) Bad night (894)
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  (407): View more from Florida

  I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?

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  (407): I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right? http://tfl.nu/v5fc
  Replies (11) Good night (1711) Bad night (1096)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  You almost set me on fire last night.

  (1-732): View more from New Jersey

  You probably deserved it.

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  (732): You almost set me on fire last night. (1-732): You probably deserved it. http://tfl.nu/ggaf
  Replies (9) Good night (3339) Bad night (682)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.

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  (248): Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly. http://tfl.nu/v2ig
  Replies (16) Good night (1178) Bad night (520)
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  (714): View more from California

  I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.

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  (714): I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off. http://tfl.nu/39nr
  Replies (10) Good night (2922) Bad night (720)
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  (805): View more from California

  It's like a toaster oven for my penis

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  (805): It's like a toaster oven for my penis http://tfl.nu/6tvc
  Replies (7) Good night (968) Bad night (529)
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  (240): View more from Maryland

  Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer

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  (240): Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer http://tfl.nu/mrff
  Replies (4) Good night (1423) Bad night (645)
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  (801): View more from Utah

  I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.

  (1-801): View more from Utah

  20.

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  (801): I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day. (1-801): 20. http://tfl.nu/vqhd
  Replies (1) Good night (564) Bad night (272)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.

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  (404): my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low. http://tfl.nu/ipxu
  Replies (3) Good night (287) Bad night (479)

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