Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
they need to just BURY HIM!
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.