Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
These 27 People Had No Idea What They Were Doing When It Came To Sex
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.