I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
