i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize