I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
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I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
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okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
How does one acquire holy water?
I pour the whiskey from now on