from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME