I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
ugly people sure do ruin things
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Randomize
