Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
