I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
