My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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