Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
