That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I smell like Dick and happiness
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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