This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
