i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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