We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
