i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
