i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
