also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
