Your mouth is God's brothel.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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