tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
