idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I can't put those talents on a resume
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I had to cum in my sink.
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