That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
