I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
