your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
