Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Randomize
