i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
