She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
