dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
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There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
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