You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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