Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
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well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
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How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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