Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
