U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
