WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Randomize
