Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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