thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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