I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
