I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
