I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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