you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
