its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
