I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
